After my sister’s disappearance I not only held a grudge but held many – with the first, foremost, and biggest one towards God. At the time I blamed him for taking my one and only sister. Ephesians 4:26 - 27 tells us “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” A Scripture verse I didn’t know then so not only did I go to bed one night angry, I spent over ten years holding this grudge.
In addition to my grudge against God I carried grudges against innocent store owners for not having security camera, bells on the door, and for Heidi working alone. I carried a grudge against an innocent pastor because she prayed for my family and Heidi’s boyfriend by name but omitted me. I carried an irresponsible grudge against the Sheriff’s department because they didn’t find Heidi instead of focusing on their sacrifices -- countless hours of searching and investigating, sleepless nights away from their families, fielding hundreds and thousands of calls, and still finding time to touch base personally with my parents.
My grudges were irrational yet at the time they seemed purely logical. Over ten years later God used one of my students to let me know “Mrs. Buske, You need Jesus.” He was so right. Once I opened up my heart to Jesus and started to break down the 3, 650 nights of the sun going down while still angry. I not only gave the Devil a foothold, I built him a dancing floor. Yet in a matter of moments after confessing my sins, acknowledging Jesus died on a cross for my sins and rose again three days later – the healing began.
God is stronger and bigger than the devil. He broke down the barriers around my heart and helped me to rip every tile of the devil’s dance floor until I was the one dancing. I’m so thankful for the boldness of a child and the love, compassion, grace, and mercy of God.
I pray you let go of the grudge, or grudges you may carry. A grudge is not free! It is crimpling and deadly to the one carrying it. Let go of your grudge and give it to Jesus – He already paid the price and is simply waiting for you to call out to him.
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