During last night's class my writing was one of the lucky pieces to be critiqued. It was wonderful. I took eight pages of notes on my legal pad, not to mention the four pages I took while the other writer's piece was being critiqued. I learned a ton and walked out the door overwhelmed, yet hungry for our next session and to start revising the revision again. There were a lot of great conversations, questions asked and answered, thought provoking comments, ample suggestions for changes and additions, encouragement and most of all, one powerful consensus ~ everyone seemed to enjoy my writing and wanted to read more.
Some comments about my overall reviewed piece:
· "...this is strong enough to hold the audience, even if not in the target audience..."
· "...tragedy in a resilient way..."
· In response to Line 366 “…our rural countrymen and women searched the way they hunted…” one said “Great line!” and others agreed
· “…find it universal…”
· “…nuts and bolts for script…”
· “…could see a counselor, friend, or family member reading this to know how to relate to the women directly affected…”
· Liked the sense of community, “…from vigilante to experts…”
Areas to work on:
· Talked about the Rick Benningfield’s hat, caused confusion
· Some would like more conversation while others wanted more of my personal thoughts
· Wanted to know more about the Rick (some of this is in chapter 9 which wasn’t shared)
· The chapter provides a lot of information but not as much emotional connection (the emotional connection to Rick is included with his introduction in chap. 9, but see there is room to add some more here)
· Time line not always clear
· Who is the audience? Hard to tell.
· During one of my strong scenes – some wanted more space between a realization while others thought it was enough the way it is
· Watch repeating words or phrases
· Omit words – Bob challenged me to reduce my word count to 40% of what it currently is in my revision
· Want to see the narrator’s anger come through more
· Want to “feel” the transformation from “…from vigilante to experts…”
· Reads a lot like a report ~ need to bring the reader with you (this was debated on how much needed to be added)
It was a great evening to say the least. I have a lot of work before me and look forward to sitting down and getting to work. With Bob’s expertise leading this thoughtful, passionate and motivated writers, the sky is the limit! And the writing will only improve!!