“…I stood by the fuel pump close to the road yet far from the store - and my parents. I felt so alone watching carloads of people drive by like nothing out of the ordinary was happening. And it wasn’t – in their world. “How can people go to church? Why aren’t they helping to find Heidi? Doesn’t anyone care?”Another car crawled past the store. People craned their necks, staring at all the police cars surrounding the store. My nerves shattered. “Yes I’m Heidi’s sister! Yes I am standing here alone, doing nothing while you drive by. Stop staring! Stop being nosy! Go celebrate Easter with your family! If you really care, stop and keep me company!”
As the morning wore on, the weather changed from rain to snow. I began to lose touch with reality. “Oh my, it is Easter for heaven’s sake. Snow!? You’ve got to be kidding me!”
As the wet snow landed on my cheeks, which were red and damp from crying, the cool precipitation felt almost refreshing.
Self-pity, for being forced to stand in the brisk weather, was replaced by guilt for worrying about myself. “What kind of sister am I? God forgive me, I love her! Heidi is missing and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to stand here alone.”
Ed had joined in the search for Heidi. I didn’t know where he was and I felt overwhelmed, wet and lonely. “God, do you hear me? I’m scared and I don’t want to be alone.”
While leaning against the fuel pump, crying and wallowing in self pity, I felt pressure around my shoulders. Someone was holding me.
I turned and looked into the tear-stained face of my cousin Missy. Finally a family member stood close enough to touch. Yet, still no conversation. No words were necessary…”
From this weekend through next, some more photos and memories from my youth and of my sister. I hope you will join me a throughout the week and especially on Easter. I have a special Easter memory and photo on Easter Sunday to wrap up this new series…”The Road to Healing”.
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323