Noise makers, balloons popping, confetti flying and laughter echoing to the tippy-top of Gram’s cathedral ceilings and back down again. One of our many family traditions was for Gram and Aunt Nancy to collect all the kids for New Year’s Eve. We LOVED it! We were allowed to eat whatever we wanted and Gram always had extra goodies made and available for the party. Aunt Nancy bought noise makers, balloons, decorations and games to keep us occupied from the moment our parents dropped us off to the second we fell asleep around the house.
My Gram was an amazing women and probably one of the most difficult losses I experienced next to losing my sister. She was witty, down to earth and had a deeper faith than I had realized until I accepted Jesus as my Savior too. She used to tell me “Write this down Lisa so you don’t forget.” But of course I knew it all and would remember, what a foolish child. I should have listened. Sometimes her phrases, lines or jokes will come back and I try to scribble them on the nearest paper or share them with my daughter so both Gram’s memory and our family legends continue to the next generation.
One of the phrases I remember my Gram telling me after Heidi disappeared was “Live for the living…” to which I would argue, “I am”. As I look back though, I was going through the motions. In the book I’m writing I hope to share how my life changed after Heidi’s disappearance ~ how I have spent years on a rollercoaster of ups and downs and when I’m feeling the most selfish and depressed I can hear my Gram’s voice saying, “Live for the living…” So I lift the covers and put my feet on the floor, start the coffee pot and open my Bible.
As with each of you, I’ve experienced loss throughout my life. At one point I let the loss and despair take me over but no more. Each day I chose to “Live for the living…” and for Jesus. God has gifted us each with unique talents, memories and futures. We don’t know what they hold or how we will respond but God does. After Heidi’s kidnapping this was the same fact that made me take my focus off God – if He knew, why did He allow someone to carry out this terrible act? I still don’t know the answer to this yet when I look back, God NEVER left me or my family. I left him. My book will highlight the instances of God’s protection, guidance and love from the minute Heidi was taken, to today.
With Him, I have the strength to write, share and continue…He has blessed me with much to live for.
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323