I started this blog on October 3, 2014 after a friend messaged to say, "Pray for our neighbors, their three year old daughter is missing." My stomach dropped and then swirled into the uneasy,not-knowing when someone is missing. I don't know the family or the little girl but I do know this..."Pray first" and "Pray without ceasing", and to so this is what I did. Then I heard it...the helicopters.
"Rejoice always, pray continually,
The sound of helicopters flying over head and lights scanning into the woods and open fields triggers alarm in most people, especially if you live in an area this isn't common. Where I live, to hear the propellers zing above in the middle of the night isn't uncommon since a couple armed force bases are on either side of us, so we are in their "fly over" when they do practice drills. But, this time, it was different...it wasn't a drill, a child was missing.
As I prayed, I watched Facebook for an update. Within moments I found myself watching the news in hopes of an update. Nothing. Finally someone posted the roads were closed between the two intersections where the child was missing but most didn't know why the roads were closed. I knew because a friend shared so I could pray. A few more precious moments go by, the missing toddler is now scrolling the screen but without a name or picture. The helicopters can still be heard in the distance.
I told her it wasn't jealousy because I'm thankful at least one more family isn't left in the unknown any longer. She shared in this yet expressed, "But why not our sisters? Why?" I didn't know how to answer other than, God doesn't think it's time for our sisters to be found.
But, on this evening, the flood gates of jealousy opened up. Thank goodness Ed and Mags were at work because I had myself a nice, healthy, and over-needed cry. I cried out to God both audibly and with my thoughts. I expressed thanks for this sweet toddler being reunited and revisited the hurt that Heidi, in spite of the hundreds, if not thousands praying, remained missing...more than twenty years later. I owe my friend an apology, without knowing it, I am jealous when another missing person's family learns of their loved one's whereabouts.
Yet, I'm thankful to say, the joy and thanksgiving for their not knowing to end, far outweighs my moments of jealousy. With my eyes focused on God, the One who knows where Heidi is...I continue to pray for her be found. I pray all our missing are found and no more disappear. I hope you forgive my moment of weakness and selfishness.
I will continue to pray and advocate for our missing - adult and children both. I will lift praise and thanksgiving for each one found, whether recovered or discovered because each is an answer to prayer. I will never give up hope for my sister, Heidi M Allen, to be found!
Have you experienced mixed emotions in life? When? Why?
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323