The start to the year has been busy and full of twist and turns on this roller coaster ride we call life. My heart is heavy for friends and family who learned a loved one has cancer, one of which is a little girl. Upcoming court hearings pertaining to my sister's kidnapping resume this coming Tuesday. Family members haven't been feeling well, and the cold of winter doesn't seem to help lift the veil of darkness and despair surrounding us.
I wasn't going to blog this weekend because I think it's important to have this be a blog of encouragement, hope, inspiration, and uplifting reminders to us all. Yet a friend reminded me of an important fact yesterday, I am human. GASP!
Seriously though, I tend to distance myself when I feel overwhelmed so as not to let others down or cause concern. My Mom told me yesterday, with much love, "You've got this. You can't let the world get you down, we need you strong. You encourage and keep us going." I felt terrible with my response, "I'm tired. Overwhelmed. I don't have any fight left." And the flood gates of tears opened again and I became a puddle. Thankfully I was on the phone with my Mom so I hung up before the meltdown.
A friend came in to see how my afternoon was, while I'm thankful she stopped, she's probably wishing she'd kept walking. I was a pitiful sight. Melting down in the cubbies of a Kindergarten classroom. Good golly, what is my problem? It was my friend's listening ear, hug, and reminder that I'm human that helped me let it go and move forward. I thought I had it together but then as I talked with my daughter, the tears rolled again.
It was my daughter's response that taught me the greatest lesson yesterday. She said (something along this line), "Mom, it's okay. I'm so glad you are crying. You are always so strong and never break down. Let it out, it will be okay." and within moments, she was encouraging me with words I've shared with her in the past. Guess what, the teenager has been listening and watching. The part I missed in this process, I rarely let her see me broken.
Why do I share this imperfect, embarrassing, and weak side on the blog today? I'm putting it out there so others, like my daughter, know and understand that sometimes we just have to "let it go" and become a puddle of tears in front of the ones we love. My friend explained it best yesterday as we talked, "Lisa, you have to let go of the hurt, anger, frustration, and blah in order to replenish your heart and body with the good and love God has for you. Until you release it, God can't renew and refresh you." Permission to puddle...this isn't meant for attention but to illustrate, we all have our days.
The best part of this process, I woke up this morning refreshed and ready to conquer the world. My friend was right, letting go of the ick opens up room for the good. There are challenging days ahead yet with God leading the way, and me following Him...it's all good. Whatever you (I) go through, we will be stronger, more thankful, and able to find the positives. Remember, we all have our days.
When's the last time you puddled so God could rain His love, grace, & mercy on you?
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323