There are moments in life when you might feel overwhelmed and question "Why?" certain things happen. You may even question God's role in it. When I think back to the days, months, and years following my sister, Heidi's, kidnapping, I was angry with God because He allowed my only sister to become a statistic, and then denied her the dignity of a burial, and the peace for my parents to know where she is.
There are days these feelings and thoughts attempt to return and smother me. A recent event compiled with my Mom's headstone nearing completion, the announcement of Dateline's airing next week, and a family member not feeling well, have my heart heavy and my mind swirling.
Yesterday I didn't want to get up. My stomach was so upset and all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry all day. My heart breaks for a family grieving the loss of their little girl, one so full of life, beauty, and smiles. The anticipation of seeing the headstone is overwhelming. The thought of losing anyone else makes me sick to my stomach. The unknown direction of a national news show take on my sister's kidnapping and if they will even remember Heidi, the victim and missing teen, increases my anxiety. All of these things are legitimate feelings and a good friend told me something profound about "feelings", they are just that, a feeling.
My feelings, anxiety, and fears are real and personal to me. I'm not wrong or a terrible person for feeling this way. As I put my feet on the floor yesterday morning, I shook my head and said aloud, "I can do this. There are others in far greater pain than me today and the least I can do is get out of bed." A simple task that I had to talk myself through, have you experienced days like this?
I encourage you to keep getting up and putting your feet on the floor. Your feelings and emotions will come and go, they will change like the wind in CNY BUT one thing remains constant and unchanging...God. Trust Him and look to Him for guidance, love, and strength. It works for me!
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever."
Hebrews 13:8 NIV
Dressed and ready for another day...
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323