The Flip Side of Father's Day...When You Lost Your Child

Happy Father's Day 2014!

My apologies to those who find today's blog depressing on such a special and honorable day yet this is the message God has for us today. Father's Day is known for BBQ, gathering with family, celebration, games, sports, and so many other traditions based on your family. Not everyone has a biological father. Some men step-up, if you will, to invest in the lives of a child that might not be "theirs" and in the process, change the child's life and future. Some men are fathers, but not a Dad. 

Some men can't have children of their own so they invest time, energy, and their talents in the lives of other children. And yes, there are some men that don't have children because they opt to continue being a child themselves. Then there are the boys, yet to grow into the father role, we'll pray you are the man God's called you to be when you get to that part of your life. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, if you are male, I extend a "Happy Father's Day" to you. 

I could go on and on about the importance, value, and respect I have for men investing (yes, I've used this word a lot today - thank goodness this is a book going to edit, lol) in the lives of the children, both young and old, in their lives but there is another aspect of Father's Day we can't forget...the father unable to celebrate with or spend the day with their son or daughter. 

In my Dad's case, he still has me and we take advantage of moments together throughout the year. We understand the value and pricelessness of time with our loved ones. 

My only sister, Heidi M Allen, disappeared on Easter Sunday 1994 and remains missing today. She spoiled my Dad on holidays, especially Father's Day. I, of course, teased her for sucking up yet it is these memories and memorabilia that remind Dad of his youngest daughter, Heidi.

It isn't all depression and sadness today, don't misunderstand, yet there is a different feel to the day. I can tell Dad "Happy Father's Day!" and shower him with compliments, time (learning how to golf on the X-Box), and make as big of a deal about today as anyone BUT I can't give him the one thing he probably misses the most...Heidi. 

I'm not a dad, or even a parent, living each day after losing a child yet I understand the pain, grief, and sadness of losing my sister and the impact this has on me. As I listened to K-Love earlier today a woman called in and shared how she accidently called her father-in-law a week early to wish him a Happy Father's Day. She forgot to tell him "I Love You" but decided to wait since she planned to call again, on Father's Day, the next week. He passed away before she could tell him those three and vitally important words. Her message to the listeners, "don't wait until tomorrow, just do it today". (my paraphrase)

This is a motto we try to live out. We had a Father's Day dinner last night and spend most of the evening/night together yesterday and we'll get together again today (once I finish the blog, lol) but to be honest, this isn't much different than any other weekend. We don't wait.

As you celebrate father's day this year, remember the Dad's who can't spend time with their son or daughter because they have passed away or remain missing. My heart breaks to think of Carol Wood and Cora Kalous's famlies this weekend. Both finding out their beloved missing daughters have been found, deceased. There is cause for joy as the not-knowing is over yet the grief of knowing must be a great weight this Father's Day weekend.

For the father/sons/daughters out there who "aren't talking" right now", use today as an opportunity to call, text, message, or stop by and reconnect. The bond between parent and child is meant to be loving, forgiving, and forever. 

On this father's day, I pray a special gift for the father and dad grieving the loss of a child - if it's in your power to re-establish communication...do it. If it's out of your control, pray. If your son or daughter has passed away, share a memory, photo, or something with others as a way of remembering them. If your son or daughter is missing...I'm sorry and pray and hope that by this time next year...you have answers to your greatest thought...Where's ...?

I'm off spend time with my parents. What about you? If today's blog inspires you to call and reconnect with your son, daughter, or father...will you let me know. I'd love to pray for you and celebrate the possibilities of healing and love waiting for you. If today's blog inspires you or brought you some comfort, thank God...He inspired me to write this post.

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How has someone encouraged you after a loss?