Thankfully God has brought us a down-to-earth and Godly pastor who continues to both challenge and grow himself personally and shares these experiences and truths with us, his flock. Pastor’s message emphasized the importance and blessing of stewardship in our lives. To be a steward is more than giving a certain percentage of money to the church. It’s an opportunity to give back to God some of the blessings He has given you. This ranges from money, time, resources, and your security blanket. Each person’s blanket resembles something different.
How does this have anything to do with my beautiful sister and this remembrance series? I didn’t think it did too much until this morning as I listened to pastor wrap up. Pastor challenged us to release our security blanket, give it to God and trust Him to care for it. As I thought about the one item I held with white knuckles I shook my head yet the same thing continued to return to the forefront, my daughter.
Heidi’s disappearance has made me a stronger woman in some regards yet more vulnerable in some aspects. In the past seven years I have learned to accept both good and bad from God, to lean on Him when nothing in this world makes sense and to trust Him who is incredibly able to do above and beyond my imagination BUT the one thing I continue to struggle with is my beautiful daughter.
She is an answer to prayers and we are so blessed by her. She is strong willed, stubborn, and ready to grow up. I remember thirteen and I was ready to conquer the world and knew it all too but there is one big difference between then and now…my parents fostered independence and opportunities to open my wings, even if they knew I would crash and burn. Lessons I needed to learn, ones that couldn’t be told but only experienced.
Whether Heidi would have been kidnapped or not does not change the magnitude of love and concern we have for our daughter. But it does affect “my” willingness to gift my daughter the same opportunities to challenge, fail, learn, and ultimately succeed through the trial and errors of being a teen.
Why? Why can’t I trust? How come my knuckles are so white from holding on? Will I be able to release the tension? Do I have the strength to let her go…Is Mags the one thing I hold so tightly that I’ve missed the stewardship portion of my role as parent? The answer to all of these is simple…I can’t do anything without Him who gives me strength!
As my heart beats a little faster my knuckles aren’t as white. With God’s strength, the Holy Spirit’s conviction and the love of Jesus in our hearts and Mary’s…we loosen the grip. With constant prayer, faith, and His strength…I trust Mary to her Heavenly Father a little more today, tomorrow, and into eternity. Satan took Heidi and God will protect our Mary…