To ? or Not to ?...Have you asked yourself this question?

Some might be trying to figure out what I mean, while others might have already filled in the blanks. As you read the following question, replace the question mark with the word "blank". 

For instance, "To blank, or not to blank" Over the past couple weeks I've asked myself this question a few times, my blank, is the word "blog". 

To blog or not to blog...a reflective thought? A question? A statement? 

Why am I asking myself such a silly question when I know how much I enjoy sharing with all of you each day. 

Why would I stop doing something others find comfort, solace, encouragement, and hope in? 

What does my blog really have to do with the grand scheme of life? 

Would anyone even notice if I stopped blogging? 

HOLD THE PHONE SISTER! Talk about a lot of negative thoughts and back sliding. Have you read Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey yet? Have you heard me speak at one of your churches, libraries, or events? If so, you probably see why the all caps and bold to hold the phone, right?

I spent more than a decade following my only sister's kidnapping hiding, fearful, and doubtful...with a negative attitude to boot. This is not a healthy or happy condition to live one's life in. 

Recent media attention and court document filed have our entire community on the edge of their seats again. Heidi's disappearance seems to be the discussion in the grocery store, department stores, and even while putting gas in my car. 

Excerpt from Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey
     "Over the years I have heard, “I can’t imagine how you or your family can survive after Heidi’s kidnapping.” My response is usually, “We have to.” I realized a lot happened in our life unrelated to Heidi’s kidnapping, investigation and the trials of those charged as I organized my notes for this book. My purpose in including this piece in the book is to witness to you. It is not only possible, it is necessary, to triumph in spite of tragedy. God is not responsible for my sister’s kidnapping. God did not kill my cousin. He held them in his arms so they were not alone.

            Each time I added another event or death to my list, it became more difficult to keep them organized so I developed the timeline. I am overcome with grief and amazement at the same time when I read this list. It makes sense I missed my friend’s wedding or didn’t make it to calling hours for a friend’s loss. I was immersed in death and darkness. “Was” is the key word.

            I am so thankful for the child who proclaimed with boldness, “Mrs. Buske, you need Jesus.” He was right. I could not have come through this without God on my side."

What does this have to do with my question, "To blog or not to blog?"? Quite a bit actually. Twenty years ago, computers were just becoming popular. Today, almost everyone has a cellular phone that serves as both phone and mini computer tucked into their purse or pocket. New stories are readily available with some (my husband included) getting a "ding" update when a story is breaking for different news agencies. 

This has both positives and negatives. A positive is when you think about how quickly a missing child's photograph is disseminated because of this new technology. A negative, to the family waiting, praying, and hoping...sometimes the news update hits before all family can be notified or brought up to date. 

Another positive, our easy access to the Internet and news makes it possible to share breaking news with the friends or family we think might be interested. The negative, sometimes these conversations while sharing occur when someone related to, a friend of, or directly involved with the breaking story are within ear shot. 

This was one reason I curled myself into a ball and tried to stay away from people as much as possible in the initial years, if not decade. When stories broke or updates happened, I didn't want to hear the commentary by concerned community members while getting my groceries. It was easier to avoid people, hide, if you will, when we knew something was about to break. This isn't an option in today's society. 

I completely understand why people are talking about Heidi's disappearance and case, may God use current events to bring Heidi home. Yet, this doesn't make it any easier to be leaving your brother-in-law's apartment building and have someone start a polite conversation with, "So what do you think about all that Heidi stuff. Do you think they'll find her body?" To say I was speechless, an understatement. 

Or while pumping gas and the couple on the other side of the pump are talking about the search in the woods and "what they might find after twenty years" and continue with details of the decomposition process. They didn't know I was on the other side of the pump, they were just talking about Heidi's case, hoping for her discovery, and having an intellectual conversation. But for the sister of this potential decomposed body they discussed, my hand shook so much I could barely finish pumping the gas. Fighting back tears, I decided there was enough gas in the car and headed home. 

My mind has been boggled lately as the heightened level of waiting intensifies the simplest of tasks. In 2010, I started to blog to share God's love with others and encourage others that it's possible to survive and thrive after tragedy. It's possible to overcome your fears. It's possible to see and feel The Light when we have our eyes fixed on God, in any and all circumstance.

“You are my lamp, O Lord;
the Lord turns darkness into light.”
2 Samuel 22: 29 NIV

Now to answer the question...Yes, I will blog!

As I spend some quiet time each day, I listen and seek God's plan for the day and current events. While the thought of escaping somewhere offer the illusion of easier days, this is nothing but a facade. We can't run away from the things that are difficult. We also can't face them alone. So in His strength, putting on His armor, and trusting His plan...I wait.

Hoping, trusting, and waiting. One day, Heidi will be found. One day, the missing pieces will be placed. 

One day might be this year, next, or when I reach heaven but until that time...I will write and speak for Him, and blogging is one aspect of writing that keeps my mind and fingers nimble and focused on God. To blog is one way to encourage others going through a difficult time. We can't give up. I'm not a quitter. YOU are not a quitter.

Let's join together in prayer as we move forward each day.

"To blank or not to blank" 
What is your blank today? 

How will you choose 
to face your fears 
and the negatives 
to turn your no or not now
...into a YES?