Yesterday I shared about an experience I had a earlier in the month. It was an opportunity to pray for a family and their missing daughter and then a revelation to realize there is a touch of the green gremlin of jealousy within my heart at times. I never thought I was free of this yet when it came to families of the missing learning the whereabouts of their loved one, I only focused on the thankfulness and answered prayers because one less family would close their eyes wondering that day.
I still focus on this first and foremost but at times, to not know where Heidi is and wrestle with why some missing children and adults are found while others aren't, can be emotionally draining and lead to physical debilitation. This is one reason I spend time reading my Bible, in prayer, and surrounded by an encouraging bunch of people.
It's easy to slip in to the "Why me?" downward spiral and this isn't the path I want or the one God chose for me, my family, Heidi's friends, or this community. I'm thankful for each person praying, hoping, and advocating for Heidi's return. I'm thankful for the families who know where their missing loved is now and pray for them on the next part of their journey, the journey of living without their loved one or living a "new" life with the forever-changed recovered loved one.
While I prayed and searched media coverage and Facebook updates, a revelation nearly knocked me off the couch. Is this how you feel as you watch and wait for updates in relation to my sister's kidnapping, disappearance, and the search efforts.
Some of the same desires drawing me to the news and social media are the same that created stress this past summer. Whereas this summer, we just wanted the media to stop calling, driving by, and seeking us out because we were waiting, just like all of you. I'm thankful the majority of the media was understanding to this yet as I reflect on my "need to know" in regards to this missing girl, I have a new understanding to the media's role in a situation like this.
I won't lie, the stress, increased emotions, and drama of this past summer continue to weigh on our entire families' hearts, as we continue to wait with a heightened level of not knowing and the unknown. Our goal is the same today as it was on April 3, 1994...to find Heidi.
While the media continues to do their job and report the news, I pray to remember how I felt waiting earlier this month. I wasn't waiting, searching, and praying because I didn't care but just the opposite...I was driven by compassion, love, mercy, and hope for another family's missing loved one. With this being said, thank you for your desire to know what is going on as it relates to my sister's case. Heidi M Allen, missing for over twenty years yet never forgotten...you are all evidence of this. Thank you!
Tomorrow's Blog: Another Revelation - "Times Have Changed"
Have you ever realized what it felt like
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323