A buzz and sense of excitement fill the air. While these things typically have a similar effect on me, I don’t have much celebration in my step and to be honest, I’m just overwhelmed and wish there as a do-over button like the “That was Easy” button from Staples. BUT, life is not as simple as pushing a button or a Hallmark movie do-over. Sometimes, in layman terms, reality sucks!
Yet, some situations and thoughts aren't meant for the Internet or a blog, they are personal and much deeper. Sometimes, to share how I'm feeling and dealing would violate another's privacy.
Each of us are wired differently, so it might require we set aside our desire and need to express our feelings out of respect for others. This isn’t easy but sometimes it is necessary and the right thing to do. I'm experiencing one of these moments. To be honest, it's probably the most difficult journey and road traveled since the disappearance of my sister.
Those close to me say, "you are so strong" or "your strength amazes me", but on the inside...my heart breaks. I was raised to do what is right and put others before myself. I was, an am, blessed to have an array of strong, determined, and amazing women in my life. Each using their gifts to help others and to get-r-done. Today I find myself in this mode yet don't feel the strength, determination, or amazement I saw reflected from these matriarchs.
While I’m all too familiar with this reality, as many of you are too…life is also an amazing journey and a joy. Life is the greatest oxymoron there is, don’t you think.
I haven't blogged much because my energy and clarity of mind are overwhelmed as I run this marathon. While I can't blog the details of the road I currently travel through the valley, my hope and prayer is to share from the heart in hopes of encouraging someone else. In 2010 this blog started with a goal to share and help others.
I've let myself and others down, stress and grief attempt to consume me. A daily prayer and struggle is to keep looking up, leaning on Him and the support network He provides, and be an example of His strength, grace, mercy, love, and joy.
I'm not ready nor do I feel competent for this next phase in life yet my Gram assured me, God won't give me more than I can handle...so why do I feel so helpless and weak? Why do the verses I read, the songs I sing, and the prayers I lift leave me drained and fighting tears?
I can't do this alone or with the greatest support network of friends, family, and community. I can only do this through leaning on God...I need your prayers to remove the "I" from the equation and keep my eyes focused on Him and let this reflect to others. If you are going through a difficult time and aren't feeling the joy, maybe this little ditty will return some pep to your step. I know it helps me. Sometimes we need to think, speak, sing, and dance it before we feel it. A little James Brown might inspire some "feel good".