Yesterday, after a doctor's appointment, I spent the afternoon in the courtroom. The motion and purpose of this hearing is to determine if Heidi's convicted kidnapper, serving a 25 to life sentence, should be granted a new trial and/or have his verdict reversed. This new part of the journey started in January, one week and month at a time.
The defense has yet to rest, according to yesterday's announcement. The People started their portion yesterday and I am grateful to have the opportunity to attend. It's difficult to walk into the courtroom and the media out numbers Heidi's family and friends but this is to be expected. My aunt posted on her FB page yesterday about the emotional drain and missing our loved ones that filled the courtroom twenty years ago.
There are so many empty seats. Have you ever attended a Veteran's Day presentation and they have the empty chair? This analogy always touches my heart, not to under appreciate our Veterans, but to see the hearing occur and less than a handful of people representing Heidi breaks my heart.
On the flip side, I love my job and I'm surrounded by people who love and care about Heidi, our family, and me. The joy and energy of our students motivates me. A couple in particular inspire me on a daily basis and just to see those smiles, encouragement.
Someone asked if I want to be in court everyday? Another said, "The only thing keeping you from being in court, is you." Do I want to be there? Of course I do, it is the only way to hear everything being said, shared, and discussed but on the flip side, there are bills to be paid and responsibilities as a wife and mother. While I miss being in the courtroom, I'm thankful for my amazing and wonderful MACS family ~ they (you) make it easy to go to work. I think it's much healthier for me to not be in court and I know Heidi is represented by the People and the friends and family able to attend.
The emotional drain of yesterday left me with a desire to stay in bed all day today BUT God's love and strength get me through. I learned something, whether I sit in the courtroom or not, is not a reflection of my love for my sister. My Gram always told me, "Live for the living.", thankfully, I have a wonderful family and friends to live for. Blessings to count.
When it's difficult to HOPE and WAIT...what do you do?
Lisa M Buske
P.O. Box 323