On August 21, 1993, my father walked me down the aisle to the shaking, cold, and clammy hand attached to my husband’s arm. My sister stood by my side as my maid-of-honor with jokes, tears, and encouragement every step of the way. Most of the photographs from last year’s remembrance blog series came from a pink album gifted to me by Heidi as a shower gift. Pages and pages of silly, serious, ridiculous, and plain funny shots captured of Heidi and I together from birth through only weeks before I became Mrs. Edward T. Buske.

This year my Mom, Mags, and I scoured the collection of photographs at my parent’s house for something new. We want you to “know” Heidi because she is so much more than a face on a poster…she is my beloved sister.

As the above photo displaced out of the stack and onto the floor I smiled when it landed on the floor. I remember how excited Heidi was to be the flower girl for Kathy’s wedding.

This isn’t our last “Walk with Him Wednesday” yet it is the last one in this year’s Heidi remembrance series. As I contemplated which items to share with you my journaling since our previous list I thought of something. I’m thankful for each of you. You have made the days leading up to the 18th anniversary more joyful through your encouragement, love, and prayers. Thank you!

The process of writing down all the things you are thankful for is worth the time and effort required. After you do this a few days it is evident, the energy necessary is minimal yet the reward…priceless. May your eyes be open to the blessings and provision of God today and each day.

Thank you for following this year’s “Heidi Remembrance Blog Series”. Your comments, emails, and notes are such an encouragement to my entire family. Earlier in the series, I invited you to email me photos of you and Heidi with a story if you were interested in sharing.

I have received a couple emails with personal stories that brought tears to my eyes from laughing and because of the generosity of my wonderful sister. Thank you for sharing. It isn’t too late.

If you have a photographic memory to share, you can still email me at lbuskewriter@aol.com. I look forward to hearing from you.

A favorite memory I have of Heidi and I performing took place upstairs in my parent’s house, in our bedroom. We used the chair from the make-up table to reach the attic entrance so we could hang our curling iron cords from the ceiling. With the plug portion in the attic, we would gently let the attic door close. Once secure the curling irons magically became “microphones” and we were pop stars. Oh my goodness, we were lip syncing before Milli Vanilli was a thought. And we were good!

As I taped my first Vlog I had to chuckle. Heidi and I so would have been taping for YouTube and making videos if today’s technology existed in the 70’s and 80’s.

Below is my first Vlog. Today’s question for you: “What questions do you have for me?” It can be about my writing, the book, my speaking, or any other question you might have. Post your questions below and I’ll do my best to Vlog a response to you as we continue to remember Heidi this week.

April 3rd is one week from today…do you have a tradition or special something you do to remember your loved one when the anniversary of their death or disappearance is upon you?

I look forward to your questions and hearing how you remember your loved ones.
Lisa

I invite you to participate in the survey below! Thank you! 

Now the first Question: Do you remember what you were doing on April 3rd 1994?

My answer would of No, because I was not born.

The second question: Can you relate to Heidi’s family?

My answer would have been yes because I am part of Heidi’s family. The Reason I wanted to give you guys that survey is that I wanted to “Challenge” you. I wanted you to think about Family struggles and a day that you had something bad happen to your family.

Now on with the blog, I am going to be talking about my struggles with the case today.

Even though I wasn’t born, I am still affected. For, as I get older I get more information about the case and about my aunt Heidi. A couple of years ago I asked my mom “Did I ever ask about aunt Heidi when I was young?”

I remember, she told me “You asked about her, when you were 3 you walked me over to the picture of her and said who’s that?”

“Your Aunt Heidi.”  Mom replied and that was the end of it. My mom wasn’t afraid to tell me who she was, and today I’m thankful for that.

So…moms and dads please be open to tell your children answers to their questions. Just use me as an example, If my Mom didn’t tell me I might not have written these blogs, or been there for some of my friends.

Feel free to share your memories in a post below. Thanks for reading Monday with Mags.    

:) Mags

Editorial Note from Mom: You are all such an encouragement. Miss Mags has not been feeling well for a couple weeks now yet she said, "I don't want to let the bloggers down. They take time to come, I need to write." Sounds like someone I know? LOL Thank you for encouraging and uplifting us...we cherish each of you. :) Lisa

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”

Others used their creative talents. Some made items and donated them to be used as a raffle to raise funds to support the search and rescue efforts. Others were works of the heart to bless the family. Sketches, wood burnings and even a quilt with Heidi’s photos on it as reminders of the beautiful young lady we all missed so much.

Today’s photos are a few of the works of heart. Ones that still hang today at my parent’s house as a reminder of Heidi but mostly…a reminder of the love, support, prayers, and concern expressed by so many when our family needed it the most.

One thing my parents, Ed, and I have always struggled with and probably always will is we weren’t able to say thank you to the hundreds, no thousands, of volunteers who sacrificed vacations, family time, and health to help in one form or another in the search for Heidi. Your love and dedication are thought of each time we remember April 1994.

Thank you all!
Today's Photos:
Woodburnings by Bob Grant - top in 1994 and bottom in 1995
Quilt by Lorna Manzer

A lot of people know about Heidi M. Allen, the eighteen year old girl missing from the small town of New Haven, New York yet by comparison, only a few “knew” Heidi. I enjoy my blog all the time yet this series is an opportunity for me to introduce you to Heidi, my little sister versus a one of the nation’s statistics of missing persons.

Heidi was scheduled to graduate from Bishop Cunningham Jr. /Sr. High School in Oswego, New York in June of 1993 but this did not happen. At the completion of her junior year in high school she had a choice to make. Either Heidi returned to Mexico High School or applied for admission to college a year early. Her decision reflected Heidi’s determination to move forward and reach her goals, a year earlier.

Due to Heidi’s exemplar academics and extra-curricular records she was accepted to Onondaga Community College (OCC) with some conditions. She accepted and strived to prove she would not only meet the college’s guidelines but would surpass them. Instead of riding the bus to school in September, she drove herself to her first semester at college. At the end of the first year, Heidi had high honors and received her high school diploma and recognition from the college for her stellar performance.

Syracuse tips off at 7:15 this evening. The majority of Upstate New York will be seated and ready, with enough blue and orange that the children in the home will wonder if the sun is setting within the living room versus over Lake Ontario. If Heidi was here, she too would follow suit and probably have the household accessories to host the neighborhood game night pizza party. I can hear her “Game time!” and the festivities would begin.

As the basketball players run up and down the court, take time-outs, listen to their coach, and play as a team. I never thought finding a publisher would be easy yet I never imagined how extensive the process is. I couldn’t do it alone, I needed a team.

As the Sweet Sixteen hit the floor and I smile at the email in my inbox today I am encouraged. I started this blog in July 2010 after attending my first writer’s conference. With writer’s duffel bag packed with items I thought would be important: my “emotional-vomit first draft”, a snip-it to read, paper, pens, pencils, journal, and a hunger to learn. Without a coach to train me I thought I had everything I needed to start this journey to have Where’s Heidi? The Search Begins published. Yikes, boy was I wrong!

BUT the best part is I was introduced to key players on my writer’s team today, at this conference. I don’t think any of us imagined the impact we would have on each other’s lives or the friendships that would be born. I left home with the support of my family and returned with an overwhelming amount of information, new friendships, and a HUGE to-do-list before the school year started. The first thing I did was establish this website and my blog. I spent the remainder of 2010 crossing things off my list but each time one thing was removed; another was added thanks to the teammates I had met over the summer.

Then it happened. In January 2011 I heard from a publisher who expressed interest in my book. I was shocked, amazed, and overwhelmed. She said, “…I'm not accepting submissions right now, but I want yours, so please remind me of that when you send it, if you send it…”

I didn’t know how to respond so I emailed my coach for guidance. Her response, “…Pray about it and see how the Lord leads…” In November, I submitted my book proposal for consideration.

I hadn’t heard anything back until today!

I’m have a few pages left of Ann Voskamp’s, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to LIVE FULLY Right Where You Are. When I started to read I thought I could read it in a couple days yet her exquisite and precise style draw me in. Her words captivate my heart and leave me thinking, reflecting, and actively seeking Him. I’m thankful for not one, but two friends sharing this book with me.  It is such a blessing.

In keeping with the “Heidi Remembrance Blog Series” I will share items of thanks as it pertains to my sister BUT with a different twist this week. The worst day of my life to this point is still the day Heidi was kidnapped. I spent years living in darkness with the facade of happiness on my face. I’m a better wife, mother, daughter, friend, and person since this terrible day. Today’s list represents the eucharisteo (thanks) I give to God since Heidi’s disappearance.

I’m forever changed and the new and improved Lisa because of this tragedy. How has the tragedy in your life strengthened, changed, and improved your life? Please don’t misunderstand, I would of loved for life to go as Heidi and I planned it out as children and young adults but this wasn’t the way it turned out so I choose to look for the eucharisteo and let God fill my heart and face with True Joy.

Extra time with Heidi

Broken…now healed

Lost…now found

Searching…only for Heidi

New appreciation

See with new eyes

Recognize gift of time

Lost one sister…God returned seventy times seven

Learned to trust

Forgiveness –given and received

So many lost and searching

A heart for Him

To write

To speak

To pray

Hold tighter

As I try to let loose

Experience life to the fullest

Never know if these are the last words spoken

Reflection

Respect

Mother-daughter bond…priceless

Make sure others know I care

To say “I love you”

To hear “I love you”

Friends…gems

Hope…now and forever

Eternal thinking

Realization…one never knows

A favorite part of this blog series for me is finding photographs to share with you. This has become a family affair and the memories triggered from one snapshot create conversations taking us back in time. My mother is so wonderfully organized and this makes the process an easier task. I pull open the drawer, find the “Heidi” tab and start looking.

I found today’s photos and thought “Ugh, I remember this day. Why would anyone want to remember this?” and then it dawned on me the lesson hidden within these horrific photos. Our time on Earth is only a snapshot in itself and we need to cherish each moment.

In 1993 on her way home Heidi looked down only for a second to change her radio station before CRASH! Mom and Dad’s Oldsmobile ran into the back end of a tractor hauling a manure spreader. The driver of the tractor was my cousin Terry. I honestly don’t remember where I was when this happened. The only thing I remember is seeing the car in the yard when I pulled in the driveway. I couldn’t pull in the driveway quick enough, put the car in park and get in the house. Mom and Dad were sitting at the table.

My sister was famous for taking extended showers until there was no more hot water in the tank or time for anyone else to even attempt a cold one. My mother might say “If you took your shower when you got up instead of waiting, this wouldn’t happen.” Yet I can’t hear her with my fingers in my ears singing, “la la la la la la la” TeeHee

I love to get up in the morning, before the family invades the silence and don’t feel I should have to rush to accommodate the younger sister, no she should have asked, “Are you done loafing around and taking your time to wake up? Would you like to shower first?” BUT no, instead she ran to the bathroom when she heard me getting my clothes and waited until I reached the door to SLAM the door in my face, laughing from the other side. I did eventually learn to shower in the evening, but I was a slow learner.

Oh I have digressed, back to the day I achieved the almighty status of “Prankster Queen” for a day. After a typical morning of Heidi racing me to the bathroom and locking me out, I took matters into my own hands. Today’s photo demonstrates the prank of all pranks (to that date) and the transferring of the crown.

With an entire role of masking tape depleted and giggles subsided…I waited. When the door opened I snapped picture after picture. Heat spilled from the bathroom but not from her shower, she was mad. All I could do was laugh and take more pictures. Although she didn’t speak to me the rest of the morning but by the time she got home from school, she was laughing and ready to “get even.”

Life with Heidi was fun. And a side note, we had the coolest parents in the world. Notice the teen posters and signs bordering the door – this is our upstairs hallway. And who is on that poster but Kirk Cameron, hmm. You rock Mom and Dad! Sorry for not appreciating that sooner about the spillage of teen drama in the hall. Love ya. Lisa

The past few Wednesdays I have been sharing some of the things I was thankful throughout the previous week. As I planned this “Heidi Remembrance” blog series I knew I didn’t want to stop sharing the things I was thankful yet I didn’t want to leave the series on these days. The Lord woke me in the wee hours of the night with the solution. To list some of the things I am thankful for as they relate to Heidi. A novel idea, eh? Go God!

Without further adieu, some of the things I’m thankful for when I think of Heidi:

*September 14, 1975, I became a big sister

*matching outfits…even though 4 years apart

*happily married parents

*Heidi’s smile

*a sister to share secrets with

*a sister to get into trouble with

*never alone

*running in the back lot

*playing freeze tag in the pasture

*the bookstore

*so smart

*she enjoyed life

*“Tower of Power”

*loved to run

*liked a challenge

*beautiful – inside and out

*sister day on Thursday

*laughter

*dreams

*friends…and sisters

*B.C.H.S.

*“Midget” but grew

*hopeful

*friend to many

*encourager

*hard worker

*spunky

*OCC

*my one and only sister

*told me “You’ll have a daughter one day”

*Never gave up

And neither will I…this blogs for you Heidi!

Remember: If you want to “Follow this Blog” you can click on the link to the right.

How many times have you depended on your aunt, or aunts? I depend on my aunts all the time. I have five of them. They’re all different – short or tall but they’re all my aunts, no matter what.

Not all of us have met our aunts but we all have someone who is like an aunt. Today I’m going to talk about one of my official aunts, one of my special aunts: Heidi Marie Allen. I call her “Aunt Heidi”.

My whole life I’ve heard people say to me and others, “You/she looks so much like Heidi.” And this is a compliment but I like being me and not trying to live in the image of someone I’ve never met.

That’s what I used to think but now I know why some people act weird when they see me. Maybe I make them remember or maybe they’re just shaken. Even though I look like her on the outside, our personalities are so different. (Based on what my Mom has told me)

I like theater ~ she liked sports.

I like to play on the computer ~ she liked to run.

I like boys ~ she liked boys.

My point is that you can be the same but different. Enjoy your day. Enjoy the next two weeks. And by the way Mom, great job on your speaking yesterday.

See you in a couple weeks,
Mags