ONE SISTER'S JOURNEY: KEEPING IT REAL
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One Sister's Journey...
Keeping it Real

If you are looking for a podcast, author, or speaker who "Keeps it Real" then you have come to the right place!

Time to Light Heidi M Allen's Way Home

3/30/2014

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Hello everyone, how are you? I hope you enjoyed your weekend and took time to make some memories with your family and friends. My apologies to those wondering where I've been and if everything is okay. While I haven't blogged the past couple days, I have been busy and enjoying each moment.

This coming Thursday, April 3, 2014, represents the 20th anniversary of my sister's abduction from the D & W Convenience Store, located at the State Route 104 and 104b intersection. She disappeared on Easter Sunday two decades ago and remains missing today. Each anniversary is a challenge for the parents, family, friends, and community yet when you face milestone dates, the effect is magnified. Typically, you think of celebrating with those closest to you, sharing the years passed and the ones yet to come.

Heidi's kidnapping is tragic and made an impact on our family, friends, community, and beyond. While we won't celebrate Heidi's absence from our lives on Thursday, we have decided to come together to remember and honor her. Instead of retreating within the comfort of our homes, we look forward to joining all of you.
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Some of you were there twenty years ago doing all you could to help in the search for Heidi, and others are new to the area or learned of Heidi's kidnapping more recently. As the family of a missing person, it's encouraging to be surrounded by so many who still remember and feel the loss as deeply as the family. New Haven, New York is more than a town, it's an extension of one's family.

I hope you will be able to join us this Thursday, April third, 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. to share memories, encouragement, and hope with each other as we remember Heidi, the search, and how life is different today compared to twenty years ago. As I scanned over three hundred pictures for the slide show (that will be playing throughout the evening) one thing is evident, the hair styles sure have changed. Anyway, back on topic, the initial hour is designed to give you an opportunity to come together with friends, family, and neighbors to remember, reflect, and relax.

While at the New Haven Fire Barn, in addition to visiting with each other prior there are a few things to do too. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) will be there with information about their Take 25 Campaign. The Oswego County Sheriff's Department will be available to do finger printing with the kiddos. With the help of my wonderful daughter, we've gone through storage bins and organized items from 1994 and 95' to share with all of you.

There will be three "Memory Tables" with photos, news clippings, and displays. At the same time, you can watch a photographic show of over 300 pictures on a continuous loop. If you get thirsty or crave a sugary treat, there will be light refreshments also.

Before you leave, be sure to sign one of the guest books. We may not get a chance to visit with each person so there, so we hope you'll take a moment and sign your name and leave a note. We're hoping to have one table you can sign or leave a note for others to read too. If the kiddos draw a picture, that's cool too. It will be wonderful to see everyone come together once again, like we did twenty years ago.

Our goal for Thursday is to offer an opportunity for everyone to come together, similar to when the New Haven Fire Department first opened its doors to our family, friends, and all who came to volunteer and serve.

Will there be tears shed? Probably.
Will there be laughter? We hope so.
Will memories be shared? Yes.
Will new memories be made? We hope so.
Will Heidi be remembered? Forever.
Will Heidi be forgotten? Never.

Bring your family and friends to the New Haven Fire Barn on Thursday, April 3, 2014, 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. for a time of fellowship and remembering our Heidi M Allen, missing twenty years yet never forgotten.

Note: NCMEC, finger printing, displays, and refreshments will be in the fire hall with the social hour taking place outside. Dress accordingly, we're praying for a sunny and warm day Thursday but in light of current weather, who knows what it may be like.

Remember to bring a candle for the vigil - we'll light Heidi's way home from around the flag pole as we did twenty years ago. May God bring all our missing home.

See you on Thursday with a candle in your hand and hope in your heart...we'll join in prayer to light Heidi's way home.

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A Steven Curtis Chapman Song I hadn't heard...

3/27/2014

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There is always hope...

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Words from Others in remembrance of Heidi M Allen...

3/26/2014

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The above picture of Heidi and I is either from a wedding or Easter, or possibly we wore the dresses for both. I don't remember, but I'm guessing if Mom remembers, she'll clarify when she posts. I just think we look cute. Today's blog is actually a blog to share what others are saying.

This past Monday, Slam Dunks, blogger, shared about Heidi, her case, and the twentieth anniversary for his Missing Person Monday blog series. There were twenty comments the last time I checked, from across the country. Heidi is remembered near and far, praying this increased awareness of her case might help to reveal the missing puzzle piece to bring Heidi home.

Debra Groom, wrote a great story in today's edition of the Valley News. I learned new things while reading her article. It amazes me to still learn how different people learned of Heidi's disappearance or the face there were three feet signs on the Canadian border years after her kidnapping. To learn more, click on Heidi's missing person's flyer below or:
http://valleynewsonline.com/blog/2014/03/26/people-still-remember-disappearance-of-heidi-allen-after-20-years/

During my interview with Debra, she asked if I would write a story to run alongside her article, written from the family's perspective. I was, am honored, to be asked. I shared it with my parents before submitting it. I love the way God works and how our two stories meshed so well. Thank you Deb for the invite and sharing.
To read my article, click on the photo of the teddy bear (created by the Lostnmissing.org) or
http://valleynewsonline.com/blog/2014/03/26/heidi-allens-sister-writes-about-coping-with-loss/
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Slam Dunks: Blogs about my sister's case for his "Missing Person's Monday" blog. I follow this blog and was stunned when I saw he highlighted Heidi's case this week in memory of her and the upcoming 20th anniversary of her disappearance. To read his blog and the comments from others, across the country - click on the photo of the basketball player, or use the link below... http://theslamdunktrove.blogspot.com/2014/03/twenty-years-missing.html

A little information about this blogger: "I am a thirty-something married sleep deprived Christian with little ones who uses this blog as an outlet. Growing up in a military family, I got to see a few different parts of the US.  I am much more comfortable being in the South, but currently reside North of the Mason-Dixon Line.  I spent almost a decade as the police and enjoy discussing law enforcement and crime."

Articles in Today's Valley News - Pick up a copy today or
click on the two links below and read them now.

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Click on the above missing person's flyer for a direct link to Debra Groom's
article in the Valley News
3/26/2014.
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Click on the above teddy bear image
to read an article written by
Lisa Buske, Heidi's older sister,
that ran along side Debra Groom's
in the Valley News on 3/26/2014.

Thank you for your continued support and prayers.
Do you have a memory to share?

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TOP's Tuesday: Who thought up the "Where's Heidi?" Theme

3/25/2014

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With the 20th anniversary of Heidi's kidnapping around the corner, my parents and I brainstormed something new I haven't blogged about in the past during the weeks or days leading up to April third. As we looked through some of the pictures scanned, the above sign triggered the idea for today's blog.

Mom shared about talking with the family and volunteers at the Sarah Ann Wood center and how they used "Why?" as common question, this provides media with a catch phrase to associate with an individual case. Mom liked the idea of using a question and started the "Where's Heidi?" phrase. Dad painted the above sign and put it in their front yard for all to see. A declaration of love, hope, and determination from the parents of Heidi M Allen, one of America's missing, and one of New Haven's own.
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Before my parents knew it, t-shirts were ordered to ask the same question, "Where's Heidi?". Flyers were created and the media picked up on the momentum and started using it with their coverage of Heidi's search and rescue efforts. It's amazing the way one idea and thought can blossom into something bigger and so meaningful.

When it came time to title my book, we couldn't decide. I had a few that I tossed around but none really jumped out at me. One night while sitting at a Syracuse Chief's Baseball game I had an idea for a title so we called my parents. Little did we know at the time, they had come up with the very same title, written it on the pad of paper to share with me when we called later that night. Once we realized it was the same title, we knew it had to be.

Mom liked "Where's Heidi?" in April of 1994, and since we are still asking the same question today, it fits. My parents find the title of the book, Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey, hopeful because the first time Dad wrote it with paint on a piece of wood he hoped it would help bring Heidi home. When I placed it on the cover of the book, with the subtitle One Sister's Journey, I hoped it would encourage, inspire, and help others overcome loss in their life. God used two little words twenty years ago and each year since to share hope with others.

It's sad to still be asking this question, two decades later, but there is also something else that remains...HOPE. We, Heidi's family, friends, community, and neighbors prayed and hoped for Heidi's return in 1994 and will continue to do so until this question is answered.

Heidi M Allen, Missing and never forgotten!

We never thought we'd still be asking the question today,
praying God answers this prayerful plea...

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Flashbacking to 1994...Have you been following?

3/24/2014

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Photo taken in 1994: Ken & Sue Allen, Heidi M Allen's parents, Investigator Dean Goodsell, and Rick Benningfield (Search and Rescue Expert from the Heidi Search Center in San Antonio, Texas -http://heidisearchcenter.com/ )
We're doing things differently this year as the weeks turn into days, leading up to the anniversary of Heidi's kidnapping. Instead of a blog series, I'm sharing photographs on the Where's Heidi? Facebook page. With each picture is a little post to share a memory, thought, or seek your input. I've spent hours scanning over 300 pictures in the past weeks. My goal and hope is to put together a slide show to have running during the social hour at the "Community Gathering of Hope" on April third when we join our friends, family, neighbors, and community.

This scanning, cropping, editing, and posting of pictures from the initial days and weeks after Heidi's kidnapping have brought an array of emotions, grief, and memories to the surface. I've shed many tears, laughed out loud, and asked "Who is this?" more times than I can count. Rather than waiting until the third to share the photos, one or two are appearing on Facebook each day. Your comments of encouragement for the family are such a blessing, thank you.

We, my parents, husband, and I look forward to seeing anyone who can make it on April third. There is a part of me that wants to call in sick and not leave the house all day yet there is a much larger part of me that is excited and anticipates spending time with the very people who sacrificed on this very day, twenty years ago. We also have new friends and neighbors joining us that will experience the "family" New Haven is, for the first time.

This is a public event - the Oswego County Sheriff's Department will be there to do finger printing kits with the kiddos. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children is joining us to share about their "Take 25" campaign and share the many amazing things they do to keep our children safe. We'll have balloons, refreshments, and close with a candle light vigil. Remember to bring a candle.

We'll have light refreshments too - friends, family, fellowship, and food! It doesn't get much better. The best part, is ending our time together lighting candles of hope for Heidi ~ 7:42 p.m., in memory of Heidi's last transaction at 7:42 a.m., twenty years ago.

Do you have any pictures or memories to share from 1994?

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Missing my Sister...Heidi M Allen ~ The Series

3/23/2014

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Blog #1

Blog #2

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Blog #3

Enjoying time with the family today -
in case you missed this series or possibly one of the three...
click on any of the above images for a direct link to read them.

Have a great day and make some memories!
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Thanks for your prayers and remembering Heidi!

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Missing my Sister, Heidi M Allen ~ Part III

3/22/2014

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In just over a week, Heidi M Allen, eighteen year old college student, friend, daughter, sister, and so much more...was kidnapped while working alone at the D & W Convenience store. There was no bell on the door. There were no security cameras installed. She worked alone, no one there to help her defend herself or call for help. It was Easter Sunday. She volunteered to work so her co-worker could be home to watch her children find their Easter baskets. Heidi's kindness, concern for others, and positive attitude placed her at the wrong place, at the right time.

Am I bitter? Not usually. Do I have moments of "What if...?" Yes. What if there were bells on the door? What if there were cameras installed? What if cellular phones were popular like they are today? What if she worked her assigned shift and didn't put others first? What if? What if? What if?

The only thing I gain from dwelling on the "what ifs" of life is increased anxiety. Why dwell in the past and the things we can't change? It's so silly, yet, as humans, this is something we do often.

The facts are what they are, and in situations like this the verse from Psalms:
"You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
Psalm 139:16 NLT

If our days are already determined, then why waste time with worry, wonder, and what if? I'm not doing it again! Okay, you know this isn't a true statement, my nature leads me into this negative, down swirl, and trap SO...I will modify my declaration. I will attempt to hide this Bible verse in my heart so when the w's try to claim my thoughts, I can rebuke them in Jesus name and keep moving forward in faith, hope, and love! A challenge? Yes, yet one worth accepting and reaching. Don't you think?
This is a photo of Heidi & I - Summer 1989.
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When hear someone mention, "So & So, is celebrating their 20th anniversary." What do you think of? Weddings? Anniversaries? Birthday? Book Release? Marriage?

There are many things we think of and look forward to when the platinum anniversary is mentioned. But, in a situation like this, no one is going to pick out a new fine china set to gift or use to keep tradition. Instead of celebrating the kidnapping of Heidi M Allen on April third, we will remember her.

This anniversary is messing with my emotions and making concentration difficult. Twenty years ago I thought it was a mistake and Heidi would show up, but as the minutes transitioned into hours, days, weeks, years, and now decades...my thought is the same, "Who thought kidnapping could happen in a small town like New Haven, New York"? Sadly, kidnapping is not specific to any area, economic status, race, or country. Kidnapping and abduction do not discriminate.

In May of this year, Heidi would of celebrated her 20th college graduation but instead, a month prior this milestone, Heidi's memory will be honored and remembered at the New Haven Fire Department from 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. A candle light vigil will begin at 7:42 p.m., bring your own candle. Light refreshments will be provided. The Oswego County Sheriff's Department and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children will be there to do finger printing and share information on how to keep your kiddos safe in today's ever changing society. This is one way we hope to encourage, promote, and share hope with our community.

This anniversary is difficult because instead of being a milestone of joyful celebration, it is a double decade remembrance of tragedy. One day we'll know where Heidi is. One day someone will step up and contact law enforcement with the information that will bring Heidi home. One day, the human conscience will erupt in the people guilty of stealing this eighteen year old girl from our community and lives. God is bigger, more powerful, more loving, and always forgiving. He, and only He, has the ability to bring the answer to the surface to bring our Heidi M Allen home - let's pray it's sooner rather than later.

Until then, let's NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! I feel more encouraged, inspired, and motivated today than I have in a week - God is answering your prayers. Thank you everyone.

If you knew Heidi M Allen - describe her in one word below!

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You Encourage Me...You'll have to wait a day for Part Three!

3/20/2014

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This table is in the entry of our house, aka, my office. It is a table of hope - the poem to the right was written by me for my mother-in-law, Norine Buske, a few years ago. The Willow angel with the lantern, a gift from one of my RMC sisters, Snoopy's best friend is actually my sister's puzzle, the Willow plaque given by a mutual friend of mine and Heidi, and the lamp is the very one my Gram kept on 24/7 in her kitchen so people always knew there was hope.
I know today's blog is supposed to be the third and final part to the blogs posted Tuesday and Wednesday but I've decided to wait and post the third part this weekend sometime. Today is the first day of Spring, in spite of the "snow advisory" scrolling on the bottom of the television or the wild wind whipping around so instead of another heave blog, I've decided to share some of the sunshine you give me!

Two weeks from today, at this time, we'll be at the New Haven Fire Barn, remembering Heidi with an social hour to visit, catch up, meet new friends, and enjoy some light refreshments before a candle light vigil at 7:42  p.m. Pray the weather is warm and inviting, and if it's not ~ remember it snowed on April third twenty years ago. We'll have to bundle up.

Tonight, I'm snuggled in and hoping to have the draft of an interview for "Mom's of Faith" complete so I can do the final read through on Saturday and return it to the interviewer on Sunday. They are featuring my story, Heidi, and hope in their April article. A great way to honor and remember Heidi, while highlighting it's possible to survive tragedy to others who might need to know this is a truth, not just the end to a Hollywood movie.

I also have an article to write for The Valley News. Debra Groom, journalist, invited me to write a story to run along side hers, to talk about Heidi's kidnapping, twenty years later. A little pressure here, as Debra's writing is amazing, so praying mine will enhance the story she is writing. Our duo-article will run in next week's Valley News ~ I can't wait. This local paper will ensure many will know about the Community Gathering of Hope on April 3rd at 6:30 p.m.
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I've received notes, calls, cards, and such from friends to remind me they are praying for me, the family, and Heidi during the next few weeks and into April. This is always such a comfort. I can feel the prayers and the peace that comes when the anxiety intensifies - thank you all so much. With this being said, let me share a surprise I received today.

It is common for us to have dinner with my parents, so tonight was no different BUT when we drove by our house I noticed a box hanging on the door. I turned into the neighbor's driveway and went back to retrieve the package hanging on the knob. I wasn't expecting anything so was surprised. I gave it to my daughter and she read "Gift Delivery". The curiosity was building and we brainstormed what it might possibly be. We finally decided it must be a book or two, but why would I receive books as a gift.

Once in the warmth of my parent's wood stove heated kitchen, I opened the box. I pulled the envelope from the top and it read, "This is a gift, open the package before this envelope so you don't ruin the surprise." Of course, I didn't listen because I still thought there was an error, after all, who would send me a gift?

I read the description, "Willow Tree Sisters By Heart". Now my eyes are wet but not weeping...yet. I removed the card, opened it, and read...tears flowed now. I tried to read the words aloud for my Mom to hear but couldn't even speak. A friend shared words of encouragement and a reminder, no one can take the place of my sister, yet she is thankful God surrounds me with sisters-in-Christ. Now the tears can't stop. I hadn't even opened the box yet! Ugh...I opened the box and saw the two sisters, when you connect their arms, it makes a heart. Oh my goodness. As if last night's prayers weren't blessing enough, today was the cherry on top of a God-filled-week-of-moments.

While my heart is heavy and I find myself missing Heidi more than I have since the initial days of her disappearance, there is also a peace, comfort, hope, and love that lifts me up. God has used many people to encourage me, but let me share a few with you now.

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End of February:
Someone messaged me from the state of Texas:
"live in Texas now. About two years ago I saw a truck traveling through abilene with a flyer of Heidi on the back window. I have wished for her return so your family could find peace and closure. Bless you"

This brought tears of thanksgiving, hope, and encouragement. First, because someone on the other side of the country still has Heidi's flyer on their vehicle, and in the state of Texas none the less. But secondly, and just as touching, someone saw this truck and took time to contact me via Facebook and let our family know. God is so good.

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Last Friday:
Asked to do an interview for
a video documentary
to share the family's perspective.

Honored, humbled, and blessed...to say the least.

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Note from a reader on Tuesday:
"I just finished your book 'where's Heidi, One Sister's Journey'...  Really, I'm speechless, but I cannot leave it as that... Amazing, that's more like it... I had tears, tears of pain, tears for you, for your loss, some laughs and just WOW!

YOU have inspired me in so many ways, I have not lost a brother, sister or parent so I do not know your pain, but I have pain for you. I was young when your sister went missing but I remember that day, hearing about it, and always praying long before I could remember for you, your parents and just for the safe return of your sister.

You have come so far, and have helped so many people, STRONG, that's all that comes to mind... You are amazing and like you said some days are harder than others you still try your best... Thank you for that book, I'm looking forward to reading your others... Such a beautiful book and message... Thank you :-)"
(a link to Amazon with ore information about this book is attached to "Where's Heidi?" photograph)

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Posted on the Where's Heidi? Facebook page Tuesday: Her words brought tears of thanksgiving, joy, hope, and encouragement to me on a day I was struggling to stop crying. The tears transitioned from grief and loss to hope and love.

“I didn’t personally know Heidi but feel like I did after reading this book. she now holds a spot in my heart...I am usually not a reader and big into books seems I have 5 young little ones and a busy schedule but after moving to New Haven, NY and remembering Heidi’s disappearance as a young girl, I was very curious and HAD to read this book. 

 
It was very well written I must say and interesting. I broke out into tears several times throughout the book. After only 8 days of having this book I had finished it…it brought life into a new perspective for me and has made me open my eyes to the beauty of family and our relationships we have. 

I would love to personally thank Lisa for this book as I know it was a hard thing to do but in doing so you have changed many people’s lives, I am sure of it. 
 
Thank you again for the inspiration and bringing God back into my life.”

How has God met your needs this week? Will you share one?

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Missing My Sister, Heidi M Allen, Part II

3/19/2014

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From left to right: Aunt Nancy Searles, Gramma Mary (Hogan) Searles, Great-Uncle Buss Allen, & Heidi M Allen
My only sister disappeared on Easter Sunday, April 3, 1994. She remains missing still today. Yesterday's blog shared how a little on how the tenth anniversary was as difficult as the day Heidi disappeared. While each year is a challenge to face, there are a few that stand out as the worst. After the tenth, the next most difficult year for me was the eighteenth anniversary of her abduction.

It was this anniversary that brought me down more than any other, even the tenth. Why? It was a combination of things yet the most traumatic was a simple truth that stood out on the actual date, and the weeks prior to, and after. Heidi was eighteen years old when she disappeared, she now was missing the same number of years she was safe, alive, and with us. This was a difficult concept and truth to accept. I spent a lot of time reflecting on the milestones she missed, the memories that never came to be, and how something so tragic happens in little ol' New Haven, New York to such a vibrant, young, and joyful girl.
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In addition to the simple fact of eighteen years with us and eighteen years missing...I was also in the depths of writing, revising, editing, and preparing Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey for its April 3, 2013 release. While I dealt with my own confusion and grief of this anniversary, I also was mentally living back in 1994 in order to have Where's Heidi? be the most accurate and realistic recount of how Heidi's disappearance affected me, my life, and family.

I spent too many hours to log reading every newspaper article, letter to the editor, and clipping about Heidi, her case, the trials, and the anniversaries that followed. Why did I step into a time capsule of journalistic opinions and facts? The answer may be simple to some while novel to others. Grief plays a intriguing game with the mind, and our brain accepts, disregards, modifies, adjusts, and buries different things to help us survive.

To bury our feelings and left them undealt with, is not healthy, and I don't recommend it. I wasted a decade wasting time and missing opportunities to make memories because I was stuck and held captive by the thoughts, lies, and misunderstandings of the years prior. I share in more detail about this in Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey, and even then, there are important scenes and aspects missing. Hence the reason for the sequel.

Before you ask, no I don't have a release date - I'm working through this book in God's time and while maintaining connection with the real world. To write Where's Heidi? in three years required me secluding myself from most family and friends in order to deal with the buried junk, work with editors, and develop the best representation of truth and hope for you to read.

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In just about two weeks, Heidi will be missing twenty years. This anniversary is far worse than the tenth or the eighteenth. Who knew? Probably the families who have traveled this journey already, that's who. My friend Laurie honored her sister last week on the 29th anniversary of her disappearance. Other families have a missing loved one for 30, 40, and even more years. Kidnapping and missing persons aren't new ~ the public is just more aware and alert.

I talked with a fellow sister of a missing yesterday and she said "You seem to have it together better than I.". I assured her I don't have it all together yet I know Who to lean on for strength, guidance, and hope. As I thought about it last night, in comparison to 2004, I have it together. Compared to 2012, I feel more unraveled. I miss my sister so much. Scanning photographs for the Community Gathering of Hope, making the flyer, talking with the pastors, with all of you, and then the encouraging words from readers old and new...my emotions are on overload.

There is a part of me that thinks a day home crying into my oatmeal would solve the problem and alleviate the stress but this is foolish thinking. Hiding doesn't help, it only prolongs, represses, and prevents healing and moving forward. God didn't create, design, and restore me to fall back into a pit. Check out Psalm 139 if you don't believe me - it's a beautiful chapter in the Book of Psalms, in the Old Testament. I tried to share my favorite verses but couldn't narrow it down to a few.

I won't lie to you - I've cried every day on my way to school, on my way home, in the shower, sitting on the couch, at work, and just about anywhere my thoughts take over my mind. Twenty years and I miss my sister as much today as I did on April 3, 1994. I write, speak, blog, research, plan, prepare, and share to keep her memory alive and let others know that when the tearful, tough, and unavoidable days of pain come - God is there to hold me, and you, up in a way only God can.

Make memories. Make amends. We don't know what tomorrow brings but if we live today to the fullest and make memories with those we love and care about, with God leading the way...all will be good.

If you've lost a loved one ~ was there an anniversary you found more difficult than the others? Easier than the others?

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TOP's Tuesday: Want to know a secret? Read on...

3/18/2014

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I Miss my sister!

For the past few years I've spent either days or weeks with a blog series to remember and share my sister, Heidi M Allen, with all of you. This year we are doing something different. I still plan to do some type of series yet it won't be a continuous set of blogs as my time is being spent honoring Heidi's memory in a different way this year. A way you can still be involved, just not necessarily via the blog each day between now and April third.

As of today, my beautiful sister, Heidi M. Allen has been missing:
March 18th, 2014 is 7,289 days.
This is equal to exactly 19 years, 11 months, and 15 days.
7,289 days is equal to 1041 weeks and 2 days.
The total time span from 1994-04-03 to 2014-03-18 is 174,936 hours.
This is equivalent to 10,496,160 minutes.
You can also convert 7,289 days to 629,769,600 seconds.
Information from: http://www.convertunits.com/dates/from/Apr+3,+1994/to/Mar+18,+2014
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On April 3, 2004, the ten year anniversary of Heidi's kidnapping, I hit rock bottom and didn't think I had a hope in the world. I missed my sister more than I had since the day she was taken from the D & W Convenience Store. Ten year anniversaries are supposed to be celebratory and joyful in nature, not grief stricken and gut wrenching.

How did I cope in with this anniversary? I scoured mile after mile of woods, empty lots, back roads, and water ways searching for Heidi based of the information obtained from various psychics. Was this beneficial? NO!

The only thing it did was make me feel better in the moment. The hours and dollars spent on and with psychics only felt like they helped. It appeared they cared and had information to share when in fact, they preyed on the grief, need, and weakness of loss. The key word is "felt", feelings can't and shouldn't be trusted. Psychics don't give you the truth, instead they hide in the darkness with a veil of lies portrayed as hope while actually stealing our hope, security, and faith. This was a trap I fell into. I saw sheep, not the wolves.

"Watch out for false prophets.
They come to you in sheep's clothing,
but inwardly they are ferocious wolves."
Matthew 7:15 NIV

Thankfully, the Truth truly did set me free. And I'm here to tell you, it can also set YOU free if you let it. We can't hide in the darkness, instead we need to look up and keep our faith. The biggest mistake I made was run from God after Heidi disappeared.

In 2004, I thought this would be the most difficult anniversary of Heidi's kidnapping. I was wrong. Each is difficult and the weeks leading up to April third still break me down and return me to 1994 yet a few stand out. 2004, 2012, and this year.

To learn why the 18th anniversary of Heidi's kidnapping was so difficult, read tomorrow's blog. The good news, in 2004 I hid in the darkness but in 2012, I buried myself in the Word and looked to God for the strength, guidance, and hope. HE never fails.

A song I remember singing with Heidi and now lift to her in prayer...

When did you realize God never left you?
Have you experienced a wolf in sheep clothing before?
What Light saved you?

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Wearing the Green...Happy St Patty's Day 2014!

3/17/2014

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Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!

This is an Irish Hymn  ~ I learned something do searching for a video for today's blog...life long learning is a blast!

Do you have a St. Patty's Day tradition to share?

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Some Days Your Stuffing Just Comes Out & You Fall Apart

3/15/2014

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Last night my daughter and I watched "Julie and Julia". I've seen the movie before and each time I laugh, cry, reflect, and am inspired when it ends. Have you seen this movie?

It's about a women who is unsure of what she will do with her life so her husband suggests she write a blog. Once you make the decision to blog (online journaling), you must decide on what to write about. She chooses to blog about cooking and sets a lofty goal to cook an entire Julia Child's cookbook in one year, and blog about it.

She doesn't write to build an audience. She doesn't write to establish a platform. She doesn't write to impress people. So why does she dedicate time, tears, and words to blogging? This is an easy answer...

She blogs to keep a daily writing regimen.
She blogs to maintain her timeline to reach a personal goal.
She blogs whether anyone reads it or not because she enjoys what she is doing.
She blogs to log a love for her husband, food, and their marriage.
She blogs because she loves to write.
She blogs because it gives her an outlet.

What happens in the end? She gets her first comment, from her Mom. This gives her encouragement to keep moving forward - mind you, it was to prove her mother wrong at this point in the movie but as the movie and Julie's journey to cook and blog her way through Julia Child's cookbook...her mother's attitude changes too.

This is a movie about food, writing, marriage, and relationships. I highly recommend it. There is a book also. We've yet to read the book but we found a copy at the thrift store awhile back, so it's in the house and waiting for us to enjoy.

A meltdown or two (or more, lol) might necessary BUT
Don't give up...If God's called you to do it...You will.

Can you relate to Julie (blogger) or Julia (chef)?
What is one insight you can share about goal setting?

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Help A Single Mom and her Adult Son Win HOPE on Wheels

3/14/2014

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 Vote for Eddie Pepper

“2014 Local Hero”

Oswego, NY
Opportunity to win thanks to NMEDA

National Mobility Awareness Month
http://www.mobilityawarenessmonth.com

VOTE DAILY: (click on any picture for a direct link)
http://www.mobilityawarenessmonth.com/entrant/allison-allen-liverpool-ny/
Voting open thorugh May 9th, 2014
Help a single mom, Debbie Pepper, WIN a handicap accessible van to transport her adult son to family functions, doctor appointments, and for daily living. 

Her used van recently died and she is unable to transport her son where he
needs to go without renting a van per visit. Debbie’s love for her son and desire
to include Eddie in all aspects of her life are an inspiration to her family and friends.

To win this van will be a constant blessing for the Pepper family ~
offering more than transportation…it’s hope on wheels!
The woman who nominated Eddie wrote:
"As a Medicaid Service Coordinator, I have the opportunity to work with a lot of special, gifted and amazing people but one specific person really stands out which is why I would like to nominate Edward AKA Eddie Pepper for this contest.  Eddie is a young man with a great personality who has spastic Quadriplegia, Cerebral Palsy and other medical conditions. Eddie is permanently in a wheelchair.

Last June, a ISP meeting was held and his mother brought up at this meeting hat every summer, they frequent a camp where it has a large beach. Eddie’s mother, Debra Pepper mentioned that Eddie loves the beach and truly enjoys the water. She wished that Eddie would someday get the opportunity to enjoy the sand and water like his family does. Because of Eddie’s large wheelchair, he has never had the opportunity to enjoy the water or even the sand. This discussion sent the ball rolling to inquire into a mechanism in which could help Eddie. This has been a lifelong dream that myself and his Physical Therapist, Jo Weaver wanted to make happen.  After some extensive research, a Mo-Bi Wheelchair was found. It is a specially made wheelchair with large rubber tires, flotation devices on the sides, straps that would hold Eddie in and a large seat in which he would feel comfortable.

With the assistance from Oswego Industries, this wheelchair was purchased and delivered to Eddie Pepper. This wheelchair will finally give Eddie and his family the opportunity to explore the beach, enjoy the sand and the water. Eddie’s wheelchair can be pushed easily on the sand and then into the water safely, securely and happily. Come summer, Eddie Pepper and his mom will no longer have to be watching their family have fun in the water without them. This summer, Eddie Pepper and his family will be able to enjoy the water and the comfort of the beach together. This young man’s dream has come true and I am so proud and glad that he is able to have the opportunity to participate in an activity that he loves and cherishes so much with his family.  It is because of this unique beach wheelchair, a young man’s desire to enjoy the solace of water and the perseverance of his mother to achieve that dream why I am nominating this wonderful man for this prestigious contest."
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Feel free to print the flyer to
the right and share with your friends and family.

Will you VOTE DAILY to help Debbie & Eddie WIN a new handicapped accessible van so Eddie can enjoy the everyday pleasures you do?

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Beauty After The Storm

3/13/2014

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We can't focus on the negative ~ after the storm is beauty!
Can you relate?

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NCMEC Rochester, New York: A Tour ~ Part II

3/12/2014

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An aspect of the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) many don't realize is their role in educating and supporting community awareness. Education and awareness to prevent kidnapping, abduction, and the exploitation of children in your area. Most of this, if not all, is FREE to your schools and various organizations interested.

I'm aware of this and know that a few years ago, our school district brought NCMEC in to do presentations at some of the schools and then a parent presentation in the evening. I can't remember the year but know it has been awhile.
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If you look at the map again, do you notice the push pins on the map? Each push pin represents a school that has taken advantage of NCMEC's FREE NetSmartz Internet Safety programs within their schools.

On one hand, it is VERY encouraging to see the number of schools accessing this valuable tool and FREE presentation to keep their students and children safe from abduction, abuse, and exploitation.

On the other hand, it's heart breaking because there are so many areas, mostly the rural ones, with no push-pins at all. NCMEC celebrates its 30th year this year and their efforts to raise awareness is extreme and nonstop, yet there are still those with the "not in my town", or "not in my area" mentality, that they miss an opportunity to educate and prevent future tragedies and crimes towards of children from happening.

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Are you on your PTA?

Do you have children or grandchildren in the school system?

Are you a Board of Education Member? Educator? School Administrator? School custodian, building and grounds, mechanic, bus driver, food service staff, or office staff?

Do you want to see the children (and parents) in your community receive a FREE program to educate them on Internet Safety, abduction, abuse, and other crimes that might affect them?

If so, contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children today!

Education is vital ~ NCMEC has the training and expertise. I encourage you to bring them into a school near you. Click on any of the photos in today's blog to read details about some of their child safety and prevention programs available.

To contact a NCMEC in your area:
http://www.missingkids.com/RegionalOffices

Has NCMEC been to your school?
Will you invite them for the 1st time or a return visit?

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TOP's Tuesday: Prayer & Prep for "Hope for Heidi M Allen"

3/11/2014

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On April 3, 2014, our family, friends, and community will remember my sister, Heidi M Allen. Heidi, kidnapped from the D & W Convenience store on Easter Sunday, 1994, she remains missing still today, nearly twenty years later.

One of the most difficult days in a year for the families, is the date our loved one disappeared. Each year brings news ups and downs, challenges, and praises. The way each family member, or friend, deals with the anniversary date is different...yet neither is really right or wrong. As the calendar turned to 2014 in January, one of the first things I thought of was this year's anniversary.

Typically, twenty years is something to celebrate but to have a loved one missing for two decades is more disheartening and difficult. How does a family, or Heidi's friends, deal with the loss of such a vibrant, joyful, young, and goal-oriented young woman from their lives...on such a difficult day?

We could hide within the four walls of our homes, have a small family gathering, or go on with life "as normal" and cry ourselves to sleep...BUT...how does this encourage, inspire, or offer hope to others? God didn't intend us to bury our hurts, fears, and grief ~ He created community for a reason.

Our family would like to invite everyone to the New Haven Fire Department on April 3, 2014 for a social hour and prayer vigil...to remember Heidi and keep HOPE and ENCOURAGEMENT alive and active in our community.

Twenty years ago we joined together to search for our missing Heidi...this year we'll gather to share stories, memories, and laughter in a time of fellowship. We will have a prayer vigil, bring a candle and friend. Pastor Vivian Summerville, who lead our vigils twenty years ago, along with our new pastor, will start the vigil promptly at 7:42 p.m.

6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m., is "social hour" to reminisce. I've scanned hundreds of pictures this past weekend in hopes of putting together  a show to play during the social hours. A small thanks to the thousands who dedicated and devoted countless hours in hopes of finding Heidi. Our prayer is the same today as it was 20 years ago...to bring Heidi home.
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Is there a memory from 1994 you'd like to share?

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NCMEC: Rochester, New York ~ A Tour ~ PartI

3/10/2014

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Last week we needed to travel to Rochester for a doctor's appointment. Since we would be in town, I contacted the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's (NCMEC)office. I've spoke with, emailed, and corresponded with many of the staff here yet had only met a couple. I explained why we would be in town and asked if it was possible for a tour and to stop in and say hello.

Their hospitality and excitement to have us visit is one of the many reasons we appreciate and value the NCMEC offices and staff.

Once we passed through security and climbed the steps into the office, my breath was taken away. At the top of the stairwell, the first of twenty missing children's flyers I saw was my sister's, Heidi M Allen. Her smile. I paused and lost track of my thoughts as Pam welcomed us. She noticed I was looking at the wall and she explained them, sadly, I don't remember all she said because I was still humbled to see Heidi's in the top right corner.

As I looked at the other flyers, tears warmed my eyes as I thought of some of the families we have met over the years, who loved one's flyers hung on the same wall with my sister. A powerful way to decorate the main lobby, a reminder of why NCMEC is there. Hope.
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I posted the first photograph to Facebook as we made our return trip home and before we reached the house, families already commented. Something many don't realize, the family can recognize their loved one's missing person flyer from quite a distance away. Although the flyers are small and hard to recognize, to the family, you see your son, daughter, brother, sister, niece, nephew, and loved one instantly.

I spent a few moments at my arrival and before my departure studying this wall, praying for the missing, and their families. It's the least I can do...

"Pray without ceasing..." 1 Thessalonians 5:17

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Pam Weaver, Director of Community Education, and our official tour guide for the day, welcomed us and introduced us to everyone in the office the day we were there. It was wonderful, to say the least, to meet so many of the people that I've only met virtually or over the phone. Each person in this office is as wonderful, caring, and wonderful as I thought they were.

At the end of our tour, I met my sister's NCMEC case manager. His care and concern for keeping Heidi's missing person's case up to date, while actively following any leads that cross his desk reminds me that God is at work all around me. Good out weighs the bad, it just doesn't always boast and brag to make the front page. I'm thankful for people like Mr. Storrs and others at NCMEC who dedicate their lives to find the missing, one of which is my sister, Heidi M Allen.

Mr. Storrs explained part of the process to us and then pointed to these files between his office and one of the other case managers. Do you know what these files contain? It will take your breath away, I know it did mine.

Each of these files are the missing children cases NCMEC has received this year. Yes, this year! These are not previous cases, or cold cases. We were there last week - so this is less than three months of NEW missing children cases. I had to hold back tears. Hanging above the files were some of the patches given to NCMEC after trainings from various law enforcement agencies across the state and beyond. I don't know if they planned the location yet I found it comforting.

There might be hundreds of new missing children cases filed in alphabetical order in two boxes yet above them, is a small representation of the men and women dedicating their lives to help solve their cases and bring them home. Hope looking down on the lost.

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Our visit to the center was short on one hand yet left an emotional tattoo on our hearts, even now, almost a week later. So much love and hope within this organization. I'm grateful for the opportunity for us to visit the center, receive a tour, and personally thank some of the people who continue to educate, locate, search, organize, and dedicate lives to our children.

Without a prompt from us, they asked how we were doing since the 20 year anniversary of Heidi's abduction was approaching in April. We talked a little about this and I shared about our community gathering at the New Haven Fire Barn, on April 3, 2014, 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. to remember Heidi and keep the hope alive for her return. They wished us well and asked if there was anything they could do to help make the night more memorable. We asked if they would be interested in having an informational table for families.

Yesterday I received an email saying they will be able to do this! We are so excited and look forward to having NCMEC join us at the fire barn for the evening. They will have information about their "Take 25" campaign and other helpful information for children and families, to help keep our kids safe. I hope many will take time to go inside the fire barn on the third and visit their table and get some valuable information that is saving lives.

In addition to the NCMEC's table, the Oswego County Sheriff's Department will join us for the evening to do finger printing kits for the children in the area. If you haven't taken advantage of this free and priceless resource, then stop by on April 3rd for the social hour to remember Heidi and you can have your kiddos finger prints and photo taken at the same time.

Just a couple ways we, Heidi's family, hope to encourage and help keep our community safe.

Will you be able to join us on April 3, 2014?
Where were you on April 3, 1994?

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Faith is...

3/9/2014

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This morning pastor talked about faith and "who" or "what" we put our faith in. He opened with the definition of faith. He didn't grab his dictionary. Instead, he picked up his Bible and opened to the book Hebrews in the New Testament and read...
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for
and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Who or what is your faith in?

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My Least Favorite Aspect of Spring!

3/8/2014

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Some of you might be asking, "How can you have a least favorite thing when it comes to Spring?" Others might assume it's the clumps of mud in our front room and throughout the house thanks to mother nature's transformation in our driveway. You are both wrong. A few might know because of previous blogs written during this weekend.

Do you have an idea yet? I included three previous blogs below. Click on either of the three photographs for a direct link to read more about my least favorite things TO DO!
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My only sister, Heidi M Allen, kidnapped from the D & W Convenience Store on April 3, 1994 remains missing today. There are a few things significant about this day. First, it was Easter Sunday and another, it was Daylight Savings Time. The reason many people were able to remember exact times when they learned of Heidi's abduction was because they had or hadn't set their clocks back yet.

God used something as simple as Daylight Savings Time to clear some of the fog induced by tragedy to ease the Oswego County Sheriff's and FBI's investigation. While I am able to reflect and see the benefit of this annual clock changing event, it is one thing I still struggle with today. To spring the clocks forward brings tears and buried grief for my lost sister to the surface each year.

One year I had the opportunity to share with a congregation, on Daylight Savings Time Sunday. Port City Assembly of God opened their hearts and church to me to share of Heidi and my testimony of faith. During the planning process I didn't realize I would be standing in front of others, talking about how God worked (and continues to work) in my life on one of the most difficult days of the year BUT God did. It was a blessed Sunday, to say the least and I'm grateful for the hugs, stories, and hope they shared with me.

With new technologies, it's not as difficult because most things, with the exception of the microwave, change themselves without any assistance from me. Others might just need to be turned off and back on again. Yet, each time I see a reminder to spring my clock forward, I think of Heidi and her kidnapping. Each time someone talks about the hour sleep they lose this weekend, I am taken back to 1994 when we lost Heidi.

While I still think of Heidi, remember the initial shock, and mourn our family and communities loss...something has changed. Within moments of this flashback in time, I am reminded there is hope. I have hope. Hope only found in God and my relationship with Him. Instead of wasting time, energy, or tears on things I can't change in the past...I choose to lift a prayer for Heidi, her return, our family, friends, and community.

While our family lost Heidi, one thing remains evident - we were never alone.

Thank you for always be there with us and taking time each day to lift a prayer for Heidi and her return. We hope to see you on April 3, 2014 at 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m. at the New Haven Fire Barn for a social hour, fellowship, and closing with a community prayer vigil at 7:42 p.m. Bring a candle, friend, and memory! See you there!
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What is your favorite or least favorite aspect of
the days leading up to Spring's arrival?

Do you have a clock that still needs manual changing?

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Mark Your Calendars - Remembering Heidi on April 3, 2014

3/6/2014

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Our family would like to extend the first invitation
for an upcoming gathering to remember Heidi M Allen,
on the 20th anniversary of her abduction.

Heidi, kidnapped, while working alone at the
D & W Convenience Store, on Easter Sunday.
Her last Transaction stamped, 7:42 a.m.

Mark your calendars,
April 3, 2014
6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Tentative Agenda
6:30 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.  - Social Hour
7:42 p.m. - Community prayer vigil

8:00 p.m. closing
More information to follow...
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We hope you will be able to join us and remember Heidi...

20 years ago we came together to search,
this year we gather to remember and keep this hope alive!

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    Lisa M Buske
    P.O. Box 323
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Where's Heidi? One Sister's Journey *

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